I remember when I was a kid, everything was so clear. I could always tell right from wrong. I even had a list of things I thought I would never do.
As time passes, the black and white begin to blend. Doing the right thing becomes harder. Sometimes I even end up doing more harm than good while trying to do the right thing. It’s okay, I tell myself, at least my intentions were good.
And then I am faced with a true test of character. An irresistible offer. I tell myself to pull away, but I’m not strong enough. I tell myself to be careful. I take each step slowly and thoughtfully. My eyes are focused on the ground as I watch my steps. Till suddenly, I look back and realize that I’ve already crossed the line.
It’s already too late. There’s no turning back. So I keep my eyes on the ground, on these seemingly insignificant steps. The line is only getting further away, what’s ahead is an abyss of dirty gray.
My moral compass has never failed me before. Sure there were times when I hesitated, wondered, or even gave in, but never when it involved hurting someone else. And the worst part is, it doesn’t feel wrong. I can’t feel the guilt. Do I really just not care anymore? Am I simply too broken, too drained to worry about someone else? Or am I just too comfortable in my current stage of self delusion to think of someone else?